Iron John Hawk

There's usually a fine but distinct line between
cheesy-by-design, and unintentionally cheesy, but it tends to make all the difference for cheesiness fans. The problem is when you can't actually tell which type of cheese you're looking at. This is the case with the obscure Iron John Hawk, a game clearly after the look, feel and plot intelligence of the old Cliffhanger Matinee Adventures. And sure enough, it succeeds, at least partially, on that level.

Manly Iron John Hawk finds himself stranded on a mysterious danger-filled island in search of his lost father and female companion, causing much laughably bad dialogue to ensue. Populated with all manner of vile creatures-from killer talking insects, nasty crabs, and possessive mermaids, to undead pirates, zombies, and more-the island provides suitable fodder for endless shooting action. Why endless? Because all the monsters continually respawn, as you blow them away in excessively gory detail. The one benefit to all that carnage is that these monsters, right down to the little rats and bugs, often drop extra ammo and health packs. Where those pesky rats keep their ammo is, however, a mystery best left unsolved.
Taking place from an overhead perspective, Iron John is
basically an action game with puzzle elements-usually
action-based puzzles-with plenty of "get Item A to use in Spot B" sort of stuff. The environments aren't especially large, and sometimes even loop around, but look excellent-rather like movie matte paintings, suggesting that someone put a lot of time into them. Characters are also decently rendered, with competent if stiff animation.
 
The soundtrack is surprisingly good, and sound effects are suitable for all the bits of animal scurrying and gunfire that goes on. Annoyingly, the game forces the player to use a mouse and keyboard combination, and has no control reconfiguration options whatsoever. Worse is that John's movements often feel sloppy and unrefined, making some sections (especially a cliff scaling level, and innumerable pinpoint jumps that over-populate the game) exercises in frustration.
In the end, Iron John Hawk is reminiscent of the endless parade of odd little action/adventures from the days of the Commodore 64. On that level, it's entertaining in a slight way, and if you turn off the gore setting, it would likely occupy younger gamers
(otherwise, it's heinously violent). And besides, any game with a "Big-Ass Revolver" can't be all bad, right?

by Jason D'Aprile

Requirements:Windows 95
100MHz Pentium or higher
16MB RAM
4X CD-ROM

Multiplayer: None

©1998 Strategy Plus, Inc.